Ever get a case of bedroom déjà vu? Once you discover a few no-fail tricks for touching and rubbing your partner's vagina and bringing them to orgasm, it’s hard not to fall into a sexual routine.
“If something works, you want to keep doing it,” says Marianne Brandon, Ph.D., author of Monogamy: The Untold Story. “But at the same time, even the best moves can get old and worn out.” And although women often worry about taking too long to climax, they also don’t want to hit their peak in 60 seconds flat—which is what can happen if you go straight to your failsafe move every time.
By contrast, if you switch things up, you may find that your partner's experience is more satisfying, since delaying their orgasm can make it stronger, says Brandon. Plus, “novel experiences elevate dopamine in the brain, and that promotes bonding,” adds Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Touch Me Here.
So save your signature skills for the grand finale and experiment with these 17 ways to touch your partner's vagina.
First, let's get one thing straight: the G-spot isn't some mystical, hidden pleasure zone—it's just an internal portion of the clitoris. The clitoris is so much more than that little bud you see at the top of the labia; the wishbone-shaped organ actually extends up to five inches inside the body, and you can stimulate it with that classic "come-hither" motion you've probably heard about before. (If not: the trick is to insert a finger inside the vagina, palm up, and use a come-hither movement to provide stimulation.)
Make sure she’s already wet before you work your way in, Fulbright says.
Your partner's outer labia may not be as sensitive as the rest of their parts—and that means it’s a prime place to start when you’re warming them up for an orgasm.
When you’re making out, slip a hand down south and simply cup their vagina, pressing lightly. “This starts the blood flow and begins the process of arousal,” says Brandon. “It’s a gentle way to bring her into the experience.”
First, an anatomy lesson: Atop the pubic bone, there’s a mound of fatty tissue where their pubic hair grows called the mons pubis. “When you play with the mons pubis, you can indirectly stimulate the clitoris,” says Fulbright.
To wake up the region, use the heel of your hand to press downward on the mound, in the direction of their clitoris.
Before you part the outer lips of your partner's vagina, give the lips a little attention. “Take long vertical strokes along the vaginal opening, but don't go inside,” says Dr. Uchenna “UC” Ossai, Pelvic PT, certified sexuality counselor and founder of YouSeeLogic. “Massage down to the gluteal folds [the crease between your butt and thighs] and make your way back up towards the clitoris.” This is a great way to build sensual energy.
That said, taking your time before touching their clit can do wonders for their arousal—so press their labia majora between your thumb and index finger, rubbing back and forth with a gentle massaging motion, then gently tug their lips upward.
If your partner doesn’t shave, you can even lightly pull at their pubic hair, Fulbright suggests.
As tempting as it is to race to your partner's clitoris, tease them a little before touching down.
First, apply a little lube—hint: simply dip a digit into their vagina—to the padded part of your finger, and circle their clitoris, applying a firm, consistent pressure.
“Experiment with both large and small circles around the clitoris,” Dr. UC says. “You can move slowly in the beginning, going both clockwise and counter-clockwise, and then gradually increase speed and intensity per feedback from your partner.”
“The circling motion is one of the most popular with women during masturbation,” Fulbright adds.
If your partner prefers deep penetration, they probably enjoy the sensation of cervical contact—and a penis or dildo isn’t the only part of their body that can reach it.
“When she’s excited, the cervix does pull back some,” says Brandon. “But the typical vagina is not that long.” So insert your finger until you can’t go any further, and gently massage their cervix, applying more pressure only if they responds with pleasure.
“It can be really, really sensitive, so try it gently,” Brandon warns.
Stick with your standard way of stimulating your partner—the one that really gets them going—but switch up the position.
“It will feel different because a woman’s body is so supremely sensitive that these little shifts can be pretty dramatic to her,” says Brandon. “She’s also going to have a different emotional reaction to what you’re doing.”
In other words, if your partner is normally lying on their back when you get them off with an orgasm, trying the same technique on all fours can feel more animalistic. So get creative: Have them lean against a wall, bend over the kitchen counter, or stand up straight—then execute the move they love best.
Unless you’re a high-school boy, you’ve learned by now that ordinary fingering—just gliding in and out—doesn’t do much for your partner. But that doesn’t mean hands-off altogether: “Use two or three fingers to work your way in and out, but make sure you’re not just going up and down—firmly rub against the lower vaginal canal,” says Fulbright.
You can even linger in the opening of their vagina, moving your fingers in a circular motion, without ever taking them out completely. “Most of the nerve endings are in the lower third of her vagina,” says Brandon. “Women like to feel really full at the opening.”
Place your index finger on one side of their clitoris, your middle finger on the other side, and pretend you’re playing the piano, going back and forth, from side to side, suggests Fulbright.
Rhythmic motions are typically the most pleasurable ones for people with a vulva—and stimulating the sensitive skin next to their clitoris is an easy way to build arousal and anticipation for an orgasm, she says.
Eventually, you can move one finger so it’s on top of the clitoris itself for a more intense version of this move.
This trick gives whole new meaning to the cowgirl position: Have your partner sit on top of your inner arm, so their vulva is resting on your wrist and lower forearm.
“Place your hand between her legs and cup her butt,” says Fulbright. Then have them grind against your arm, and once they've established a rhythm, move your arm to match the pace and intensity they prefer.
“You’re able to touch a lot more surface area—it allows the whole area to come alive, instead of just one particular spot,” she says. Plus, the vaginal stimulation tends to be less direct—and therefore more tolerable for super-sensitive people.
When you’re warming your partner up, graze your whole hand down the length of their vulva, using long, sweeping strokes.
Keep it fleeting—don’t worry about hitting all her nooks and crannies along the way. “If you’re dipping inside, it's harder to make things rhythmic and smooth,” says Fulbright. “There’s one thing that women tell me gets them off: being rhythmic and consistent.”
Use the thumb and index finger of one hand to spread their labia, and use your other hand to stimulate their clitoris, suggests Fulbright.
Not only will opening your partner up give you better access to the pleasure zones of their vagina, it will make them feel a little vulnerable—which can be highly arousing.
Yes, you’re eager to strip your partner down, but leaving their panties on can add a little pleasurable friction to your touch. (It’s also great if your partner is highly sensitive and prefers more indirect contact.)
The ideal scenario: Your partner is wearing satin panties, not cotton, which will easily glide across their genitals as you stimulate them, says Fulbright.Once they're fully aroused, continue the action by pushing their panties aside, instead of removing them, Brandon suggests. “That has the high-school feel to it—‘I’m doing something wrong because my clothes are still on,’ ” she says.
Watching your partner masturbate is the ultimate way to learn what they like—but that level of vulnerability can be pretty intimidating for some people.
So put their hand on top of yours, and try this line: “Show me what you like, baby.” “Do this in a sexy way—not an ‘I’m confused, help me out,’ kind of way,” says Brandon. Let them guide your hand—and be sure to make mental notes along the way to their orgasm.
The classic side-to-side, up-and-down stimulation is undeniably awesome—and an almost surefire way to make them climax with an orgasm. But that’s really only hitting a portion of the clitoris.
Brandon suggests lightly pinching it, then rubbing it in a circular motion between your fingers, as if you were wadding up a piece of gum. That way, you’re touching that hot spot from all angles, while also applying pressure. It’s the recipe for an amazing orgasm.
The use of an vibrator can be super helpful here, Dr. UC explains. You can use a vibrator at a high setting for extreme sensations or at a low setting to gently tease your partner. While your gut response may be to put the vibrator directly on your partner’s clitoris, “Remember the clitoris has long legs that come down on both sides of pelvic bones,” Dr. UC says. So you can apply the vibrator to other parts of your partner’s vulva, not just their clitoris. With your free hand, you can use another technique to stimulate your partner’s clitoris for maximum pleasure.